Superman wore his on the outside!

Unless you were Amish, every kid of the 1980s owned a pair of Underroos. I distinctly remember owning several pairs. And I’m pretty sure every boy and girl at one time owned at least one pair. Even if they will never admit it.

I leapt and swung off the couch in my Spider-mans. I jumped over my bed in the Superman ‘roos. And I may have even stalked the darkness in Batman undies. Although I was roaming and playing in the apartment in my underwear, I felt like those superheroes. It was the closest thing we had to role play costumes. And you could buy them year-round. Halloween had some good costumes. But they were just plastic crap. The little rubber bands on the masks broke within minutes and the jumpsuits always tore.

I remember they advertised them during Saturday Morning Cartoons. During the Muppet Show. I recently saw one and the pre-teen girl is running around in Wonder Woman panties and tank top. Her friend joins her while sporting the Supergirl version-with sports bra and all. Then a boy arrives to show off his Incredible Hulk ‘roos. It was like porn for 10 year olds. Where else would a a couple boys and girls hang out in the underpants. One could say it was kinda creepy to watch little boys and girls so happy to be running around in their underwear.

I wonder why they don’t show these commercials anymore. Some would say that it would only give creepy old men perverted ideas when the little pre-pubescent girls and boys are running around in their skivvies. Yet, why should it be any different today. I see half a dozen boner medication commercials a day. Try explaining one of those to your 11 yr old daughter as we watch Ninja Warriors.

What are you F’ing thinking George?

I want to believe that some of your “new” tweaks to the Original Trilogy were the brain child of some hippy ILMer who wanted to kiss your ass. But if you personally sat down and decided these changes on your own, then shame on you.

With the news breaking on all the fan sites and social networks that you added [SPOILER] additional dialog to Vader as he tosses the Emperor down the shaft is not only idiotic but destroys the power of the scene. Sorry George, but I think you have lost your creative genius. You’re too worried that a 5 year old won’t understand your films. Sorry these films aren’t for them! That’s the Clone Wars!

The Star Wars fans wanted these timeless movies on Blu-ray. We never asked for you to continue to alter them or flat out ruining them with fucking ridiculous lines like, “NOOOOOOOOO!”. In case you forgot, it was the generation of the late 1970s and early 1980s that loved these movies and made your trillion dollar empire. The Original Trilogy should be left alone outside small technical upgrades. Rearranging and adding dialog actually destroys the original artistic power of both the characters and story.

Want to know why that scene at the end of Return of the Jedi is so moving and so incredible? It was that we could actually see the emotion in Vader’s mask. We can’t even seen any human features. Instead we get a piece of metal and plastic. Yet, through the magic of filmmaking we see the sorrow, torment, remorse and compassion that Darth Vader , now turned back to Anakin Skywalker, is feeling as the Emperor tortures his son. When he makes that silent commitment to grab his former master and destroy him, he finalizes his redemption. A redemption that needs no verbal acknowledgement. It simply works off the muscial cues. Way to fuck it up, George!

I do not want to present myself as one of those purists as I do believe continued improvements can enhance the magic of a movie and these films. Yet when the changes involve alterations to the motives of the characters (Han not shooting first) or the core story elements (Jabba in New Hope), I find it not only annoying but destructive to the original magic you created over 30 years ago.

This makes the fourth time a change to these movies has brought me to Sith-like anger! First it was Greedo shooting first (WTF). Why not make Han a pacifist too! Next were two scenes in Empire – Vader talking to the hologram Emperor (remember when the Emperor says, "Luke Skywalker that kid that destroyed the Death Star that is Rebel that is also your son that you don’t know about and all" Yeah, that shit) and Darth Vader not ordering his men “Bring my Shuttle!” but “To alert my Star destroyer of my arrival and have them have my slippers and hot cocoa ready” bullshit. And now, adding dialog to Vader again in ROTJ. Who knows what else I'll see on Sept 16th.

This brings me back to the alteration of sticking Ian McDiarmid in as the Emperor in ESB-- I’m okay with it. It makes the continuity with the following films work yet the added dialog was unnecessary and you lead the audience to conclusions. Adding a digital Yoda in The Phantom Menance makes sense since the puppet in Episode I did not look or feel like the Yoda we were used to. Although I do like the Clive Revill version of the Emperor as it was more scary and I felt the hologram generator was causing the deformities in his appearance. Yet, as for other changes, I’m not sure I really need to see eyes blinking on Ewoks.

Unfortunately, this news has put another strike on my fandom. I will continue to hold my pre-order for the blu-rays. I will give them a watch and see how bad the new alterations piss me off. Or maybe I’ll wake up from this nightmare and the movies will be how I remember them but only in 1080p.

The sad story realization here is my fandom slipping. George has not raped my childhood as I still have my memories and a copy of the original teatrical films. But. I definitely have bought the last version of these movies. Sorry George, I liked it more the original way. You don’t change Coke cuz you think more will drink it. You don’t change the Big Mac and you don’t change the smile on the Mona Lisa. How many versions are there of the classics Casablanca and Citizen Kane? Oh, yeah. Precisely!!